im sorry i just needed to get this out
if i know u irl pls dont read this
6 years ago ―
2 notes
#safira for ts #anyways #today has been so bad #i went to the doctors today after animal farm nothing major just a problem with my irth control #and on the way back we were talking about me dying my hair blue #like the grades i needed to earn to be able to do that this coming december #and i was talking to my mom about letting me dye it for a day just to see how it looked and if i actually wanted to do it #and she kept saying no no no no no no #and she wouldnt tell me why #bc i thought that was a pretty reasonable request #and she just said no show me that you are doing good in school #bc with my mom only school matters #thats it #nothing else #and i freaked out #i yelled at her to tell me why and i kept on yelling and yelling and yelling and i wasnt making any sense #this went on for twenty seconds but it felt like years #and then i shut up and i was crying and i dont know why i was just so so bad i havent broken down like that since the Great Relapse last yea #and i did my classic shut up sit down shut down routine #when we got home i was still crying and i went upstair and i went to sleep with all my clothes on including my big ass heavy boots #and yeah now its 10:30pm and i havent eaten since 10 this morning #and on top of that my english teacher just emailed my parents about my grade #and in ten days it will be the first anniversary of my last suicide attempt and i will be clean for an entire yeat #so yeah i hope i last until then #so much is building up on me and they switched my meds again so im moody and irrational #its just been so mad im sorry i'll stop now #brooke if you really really really want to you can read this
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